Being Choosey in Love

Shout out to all you long-time Harvest Mooners, reaping your pixelated produce, foraging in the mountains, and selecting a spouse from your choice of personalities and pretty faces – LONG before those copycat farm games started cropping up. (See what I did there?)

Thanks, Gill.

Choice is a glorious aspect of video games, isn’t it? (Unless you’re playing Dragon Quest, in which case “But thou must”!) With Valentine’s Day behind us, some who wait for love may be wishing for available choices themselves. In the meantime, it sure is nice to pick up those games where you can woo that character you adore – the one who’s so gorgeous, who warms to you tsundere-like or gushes straightaway. The one who says all the right things – well…with some arrogant exceptions.

Once married, you just have to go through two dialogue boxes with your loved one each morning, and your partnership is gold. Now you can get on with havin’ a couple babies and buying some cows. No more choices needed, right?

Ah, but in reality, there are choices every day – many times a day, even – to work for or against your relationship. To consider what you’ll surrender, and where you’ll stand your ground. To learn, to understand, to work.

Last year around this time I wrote an article on contentment in all relationship statuses, because in the end we are God’s beloved and bride, pledged to Him in His limitless love no human relationship could match. Well…just about half a year later, I officially entered a romantic relationship of my own. You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

(In case you were wondering, my beau often appears down in the comments – my devoted and outspoken fan. ;-P )

And while our Savior’s love can’t be matched by even the most ardent human effort, our earthly relationships are still a mirror of His ultimate plan. Now, what I say next comes with this caveat: I’m new to the romantic scene and know I have much to learn. But choices are ingrained in all relationships – whether with Christ or with those he places in our lives. We think of “choosiness” in terms of setting good standards, perusing our available “market”, deciding what we want in a partner and what are our “dealbreakers”. (You might want to consider arrogance in that category.)

Once you’ve gone through every point on your checklist and manage to snag someone who makes your heart flutter – guess what? They’re still imperfect. You’re still imperfect. You’ll disagree. You’ll hurt each other. You’ll see more differences than you thought were there before. What do you choose in your lowest moments? In theirs?

Our culture is rife with the idea that eros solves everything. To choose to stay in a relationship even when events turn slightly disagreeable is taboo. Have you noticed there are also those who flit from faith to faith, looking for the one that makes them feel “best”? We’re conditioned to want only the “feels” without the growth.

Now, I don’t think any rational, God-fearing single person looks to relationships to feel complete. But…I still had my preconceptions. That it would always be seamless. That every step in the process would come naturally. In truth, it still takes decision – and it takes a faith in Christ at the core.

Choosing a romance with perfect dialogue trees is a gamer’s fantasy. It’s far lovelier and God-honoring when two imperfect people come together with the intent to grow, pursue faith, and learn from each other. Once you’ve chosen your significant other, keep choosing – you may still have years of harvest to reap.

Amanda Bizeau-Nicol

Amanda’s love for video games started way back when she used to watch her brother play the NES; one day, she decided to pick up the controller herself, and the rest is history! She's currently working to upload her longtime fanfic work - The Fluffy Tadpole - to Archive of Our Own. In her spare time, she writes fiction, cross-stitches, whips her husband at puzzle games, and creates Myers-Briggs profiles for fictional characters. (Shh… It’s all perfectly normal…)

3 Comments

  1. Leeann Gedeborg on February 7, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    Beautifully said. I just wanted to pop in here in the comments because I feel like I haven’t commented in forever, which means you have no idea how much I enjoy your writing!
    I’m blessed to have so many good examples of people who are “in it for the long haul” when it comes to relationships, and it’s so interesting to watch parents and grandparents try to figure out what’s next in their relationship, even when they’ve had one for 50+ years already.
    Also, I feel like I have to go play this game now.

  2. Marco Nicol on February 7, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    I’m just going to say that yeah…..we’ve learned a lot. And, as much as I know I’d prefer to have the up times stay forever (the good feelings are nicer, not going to lie!)….it’s with those low moments that when choosing “Continue?” (see what *I* did there? :P) can be tough, has you have stated, have helped us grow. And of course, at the center of it, isn’t just love, it’s God. Your relationship with Him, regardless of your earthly relationship status, is key. 🙂 I’ve stated it before, there’s no Player’s Guide for our story with all the answers of what to do and what not to do. We learn as we grow. I really like what you said about what our earthly relationships mirror. And…….I like how you mention that even in finding someone, you find that they are still imperfect…………..maybe it’s a guy thing to forget that about his girl. 😛

    Love reading as usual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (Side note: the part about us of course makes me smile. kloveyoubye!)

    • Amanda Bizeau on February 7, 2020 at 1:14 pm

      Dang, son, I think you have me beat on gaming metaphors! I really enjoyed reading your perspective on this. And if you forget my imperfections, it’s only because I do such a good job concealing them. ;-P

      I’m gonna quit now before we receive collective groans for PDA. Love you, mon chou. Thanks for always reading. 🙂

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