Movie Dad Face-Off 2k16

Welcome to the first annual GUG Movie Dad Face-Off. A lot of actors have stepped into the role of being the loving, guarding and wisdom filled father. Which one will win the Best Dad Award?

Bryan Mills

Movie: Taken

Stats:
Finding + 10
Killing + 10

Pros:
+ Never has to worry about losing a child at a park
+ Bringing dad to school on career day will easily make you the coolest student

Cons:
– The third time he tries to save you is lame
– Does his specific set of skills involve fixing the dishwasher?

Evan Baxter

Movie: Evan Almighty

Stats:
Biblical Accuracy -3
Dolefulness +4
Office Management +6

Pros:
+ Knows Morgan Freeman
+ Yacht trips will rock

Cons:
– Does not prepare for bad weather on vacation trips
– Does not get much work done at the office

Derek

Movie: The Tooth Fairy

Stats:
Make Believe +5
Ridiculously Ripped +7

Pros:
+ Has access to the supernatural world of fairy land
+ Can give a Rock Bottom to any child who is misbehaving

Cons:
– Not afraid to wear a tutu
– Bad at negotiating movie deals

Brad Whitaker

Movie: Daddy’s Home

Stats:
Silly Faces +3
Rivalry + 8
Perk: Can make people laugh by getting himself injured

Pros:
+ Uses words and emotions to dissolve problems
+ Shows his feelings… a lot

Cons:
– Not afraid to use horrible jokes
– Gets into fights with Mark Wahlberg constantly

Jim’s Dad

Movie: American Pie

Stats:
Awkward +50
Humble + 10

Pros:
+ The only person to teach Jason Biggs about sexual education
+ Canadian

Cons:
– Gets into rivalries with Steve Martin
– Has raised a very inappropriate son

Michael Sullivan

Movie: Road to Perdition

Stats:
Sending “Messages” +3
Proper Gun Care +5
Family Business +2

Pros:
+ Good at teaching sons about the importance of the family business
+ Has great money-management and banking skills

Cons:
– You can never follow in his foot steps
– Not a very social person

Cypher Raige

Movie: After Earth

Stats:
Independence + 4
Fresh + 3

Pros:
+ Great camping guide
+ Secret hip-hop talent

Cons:
– Does not pick the best father-and-son trips
– Tries to be cooler than his son

Marlin

Movie: Finding Nemo

Stats:
Hide + 5
Seek + 1
Perk: Knowledge of sea turtles grows exponentially

Pros:
+ A master at hide and seek
+ Has compassion on the mentally unstable

Cons:
– Not very good at keeping track of his things
–  Picks poor company to be friends with

Splinter

Movie: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Stats:
Ninja + 13
Cleanliness – 3

Pros:
+ Teaches all his sons honor and physical fitness
+ Not afraid to let his teenagers roam New York City by themselves

Cons:
– Has never given any of his children proper clothing
– Is an enabler of a poor pizza diet

Cooper

Movie: Interstellar

Stats:
Space +5
Time + 6
Logic – 2

Pros:
+ Always teaches his kids to follow their dreams
+ His kids always get to go on cool science trips

Cons:
– Sometimes he makes no sense
– Do not get attached to him

Honorable Mention: (Not a movie dad)

Walter White

TV: Breaking Bad

Stats:
Chemistry +30
Entrepreneurship +20
Negotiation +5

Pros:
+ He can get you a very comfy summer job
+ Cares a great deal about health insurance

Cons:
– Walks around in his underwear
– Not the best guy to learn about respect for authorities

Predictions

Dads have so much to offer. Some dads are very good protectors, while other dads are just full of wisdom. Some dads are good listeners and other dads have released at least three hip-hop albums. My money is on  Cooper from Interstellar. The man raised two kids by himself, he loves cool field trips, he solved the black hole space/time continuum, and he still had time to send messages to his daughter.

What dad do you think won Movie Dad of the Year?